still water

shocked, confused, stuned, suspected,pain,gloomy,desperate , all those feelings mixed up and were turning  over and over in my heart^^at that moment ,i understood what is so-called heart broken,what is desperate as well as everything has broken into dust^^as i saw my score of the Teofl test, oh, how terrible feeling it was,almost blowed me to the very verge of despair. After two week's practices, i only improved 7 score, it  also  far from the standard level. Silent ,quiet, i sat here like a hard stone, without soul, pale on face, cold in heart,stiff in my leg and back^^tears in eyes , blood in heart  and inorganized in mind^^i was out of  my state , closed my eyes and deep into meditate, then conscious flowed^^  Imagine,a cup of still water infront of me, pure without any pollution, which is in  its originated state. Suddenly a heavy big dirty stone fall into the water, silente leval began to shake and ripple, it can not keep balance any more, the water was polluted with dirty dusk of the stone, and after the stone sink into the deep of water, the level of water gradually increased, soon the cup can not hold it anymore. It needs a bigger one or the water will overflow, but before getting a bigger cup everything seems not balance anymore. This case just like our human's desire,we persue for reputation, love,high score, money in our daily life in order to get a happiness life. However , weather we really need these to fulfill our happiness? After we achieve those, we will find that we cannot satisfied but only want to get more, like the stone fall into the water and arosed the ripple. Our heart will not quietness anymore but being polluted. As more and more desire get fulfilled, we will impossible to return back to the originated self again!