Journal ----- first touch in SPSU

2011.1.15
        This days i woundered around the Southern Polytechnic University with my freinds .  i saw ,i think , i feel  about the environment there,and also something about the life.  Sometiomes i only feel empty ,this terrible emty, like great winds , blow me hither and tither ,reaching to the very verge of desapire.  I didn't kown what did it origin from ,maybe something relate to my fall day willl come, maybe the relatiohship with others ,maybe the obstacles in language , maybe feeling the non-confidence amoung peoples and also maybe the coulture shocks that being confronted of me . Sometimes i really really want to walk just myself, i want to walk as lonely as a cloud ,but i found it seems almost impossible. When i choose alone ,fearness will occupy me ,around me as well as  treaten me that I couldn't help myself . Why do i  always fall in this bad mood ?Why  do i couldn't feel any happiness now? There exist a big comparision between  now and the first day i reached there. I think that the most effective way to help myself to get out of this bad state is only to dig out the cause of the whole thing ,about why  my  value of the world had occured such great change ,what meanning did i considered about my life, what  i really care about and so on . The biggest reason that i easily got disappear lies on there still exist  great distant between what my imagination and the reality . I used to fancy the crue reality to beautiful and virtue ,that is concidered not reasonable. However ,almost everybody could not help themself to dip into this kind of will and that is also difficult to control ourselves to away from these unreasonable imagination. In that way , learning to control our think mode is a significant thing through the experience in America.  Not all the thing in America are  good and exellent ,there is also darkness, terrible things in reality. We must learn to accept it and adapt to it, adapting  environment is also a goal of study in America.